Put yourself first dear one

There is no shame in stepping back. There is no shame in taking time to work on your inner wounds. There is no shame in removing yourself from things because they are just not working with where you are right now.

There is no shame in any decision you make within your grief, and do you know why…

Because the only one who is entitled to make those choices is you.

If you need to take that time then do it. If you need to walk away from things that no longer seem to fit then do it. You are not here to prove anything to anyone, you are not here to put on a brave face and walk through life as if nothing’s changed, you are not here to shut out your pain and not give it the stage it demands to dance on.

Do you even know how brave you are being? Waking up every day, choosing to do your best each day, you are being so, so brave. Grief forces us to hide within the pain. It wants us to isolate ourselves, it wants us to stay placed within it’s box and not expand any further. But you waking up every day, choosing to move, choosing to see the light in whatever you can, even on the days that hold nothing but dark, is beyond brave. Honour yourself for that, you are rebuilding brick by brick a new you, that’s heavy work, grief is heavy work, it’s all immensely heavy, so be proud of who you are right now in your grief because it’s totally enough.

With every painful moment in life, it requires the gentlest of hands. Those pains, traumas, final memories, thoughts all need the most delicate of love, nurturing, and understanding. We cannot expect to ever understand our pain when we are not gentle with it.

What has happened to us all has reshaped our futures beyond our control. Yes, in a heartbeat we would change it if we could, but we all know the reality of that ever happening is beyond our reach. So instead, we must navigate through this the best we can. We take the days off that feel too much, we walk away from anything that doesn’t serve our greater happiness, we say no to the things that no longer ignite our soul.

We choose ourselves firsts, one step, two steps, moving, growing, learning, but always choosing what is best for us in our grief first.

You hold all your power, in every decision, in every choice, in every move, you and only you, so don’t fall into the fear of shame. Take the time for yourself, make the choices that work for where you are now. My darling, you are already hurting so much, there is so much healing that will now begin to unfold, it will be heavy, it will be hard, so please, put yourself first.


You know pain, so you can know your strength

You know heartache, so you can feel deep compassion

You know sadness, so you can feel your joy

You know absence, so you can appreciate presence

You know grief…because you’ve known love

Latest posts by Phoebe Young (see all)


    April 25, 2021

    Phoebe this touches me deeply, tears as I write, I needed to hear this right now, thank you

  2. Patricia
    April 25, 2021

    I am in awe of the beauty in these words Phobe. It strikes me that, although I am not experiencing grief, I should live this way now!


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