If you could read my mind you would understand the times of silence……
The times where words are not enough. The times where the pain rips through me, taking my breath away, leaving nothing but silence.
Leaving nothing to say, nothing to whisper upon….Only deep sadness.
If you could read my mind you would see the slideshow of events I play over and over on those harder days.
The memories that flick through my mind. Memories of our fun times, hard times, the last times. The last time we spoke, the last time you smiled, the last time I saw your sparkling eyes.
You’d watch these memories play out like a heartbreaking movie. Seeing the trail of deep sadness that had been left behind.
If you could read my mind you would see the empty spaces longing to feel whole again.
The spaces that are occupied by darkness. The spaces that long to be loved and safe again in the midst of the pain.
The spaces that have been created by the force of this grief. Leaving nothing but emptiness cloaked in the midst of loss.
If you could read my mind you would see the days I wear a smile, the days I seem ok, the days I seem brave are not always the truth.
Under that truth lies a web of tears, longings, unanswered questions, stolen events.
Events I know that our family will never feel whole on. Days I know we will notice the absence more than the presence.
Days when being brave feels like the only option to me, because falling to the pain feels like an option I don’t want to choose.
If you could read my mind you would understand.
You would see my struggle, you would see my hardest days, you would see the torture.
But reading my mind cannot be. So I ask only this…
For those grieving, hold them with nothing but love.
For those grieving, embrace them within every space of your heart.
For those grieving, stand by them as their pillar of strength.
For those grieving, surround them with nothing but compassion, understanding, and kindness.
Grief is forever. It has no final destination. It holds no finish line. This is now a life that so many of us must live.
So please, never expect, never judge, never assume…. because if you could read our minds, then you’d know.