I refuse….

When it’s my time and I meet my loved ones in the next realm I will tell them how I shined so brightly within my grief …..

I refuse to stand there and tell them I stayed in my pain.

I refuse to stand there and tell them I stayed stuck, I never moved, I stayed in the same place since the day you left.

I refuse to stand there and say I didn’t journey any further forward because I was too scared to take another step without you.

I refuse to stand there and see their faces filled with sadness to know when they left, I left too.

I refuse, I refuse, I refuse… I refuse to stay stuck within the moment they left, I won’t do it, I refuse.

I refuse to be kept within the box that grief placed me in.

I refuse to live from a place of pain and a place of darkness.

I refuse to let life pass me by not noticing all that surrounds me.

I refuse to live life with an empty, ungrateful heart.

I refuse to stand with them when it’s my own time and say I never moved, I was frozen in time from the day you left, I refuse, I refuse, I refuse.

When it’s my time I will stand there and I will tell them how I moved.

And then I moved, and then moved some more.

I will stand there and tell them that I used my inner power, my inner light, and I blew fire into my grief.

I will stand there and tell them how I used my pain to push me and push me, one step, two steps, forward and forward.

I will stand there and tell them how I noticed so much, how their death showed me how much beauty surrounds me.

I will stand there and tell them how I used my heartache and created magic.

I will stand there and tell them how I used my pain and fuelled it into my fire within, I claimed back my power, I claimed back me.

I will stand there and tell them I stretched myself and was brave, I didn’t stay where felt safe, I pushed and I grew, I was brave.

I will stand there and tell them I did it…, I did it.

I did it, I moved, I journeyed,

I tore down the box which grief tried to keep me in and I created something magical.

I did that.

Me, just me, I did that.

I did that for me, I remembered my power, I remembered our love, I remembered my power, I remembered my path, my mission, I remembered.

I refuse to stay frozen within the day you left, so watch me move …..

I love you Dad, endlessly.

• About
• Latest Posts

Phoebe Young

“I want this blog to be a safe place for you. I want you to feel connected, to feel supported in my words. To understand that all the darkness that you feel is a mirror to me. You are not alone!

As my blog name says- there is no textbook!“

Latest posts by Phoebe Young (see all)

• Dear Dad… It’s been four years without you - March 18, 2023
• A letter to you- by Tom Planner - December 12, 2022
• A Pandemic of Grief - September 26, 2021