Sat here writing this in the company of my glimmering Christmas tree I can’t help but feel the evident heart ache. See this period for me, the few weeks over Christmas and New year, is a time that has always been filled with an abundance of joy, packaged tightly within a blissful bubble of wonderful childhood memories. I’ve always adored Christmas and New Year and the one person who loved it possibly more than me was my Dad.
Him not being here anymore is a journey in itself, one that I still to do this day have many a battle with. But during this time it just seems that little bit harder. Knowing how excited he’d be this time of year often catches me in a daydream dreaming of how things would be.We’d be sharing all the Christmassy experiences with my children, his grandchildren. We’d be baking batches of warm delicious mince pies; with the mincemeat we prepped a month before. He’d be making us gather at our family home to decorate the tree and sing carols before his “not so grand” light switch on, we would be writing our list for the big supermarket shop ahead of Christmas day. After Christmas Day the celebrations would continue and we’d be plan and prep for the big new years celebration, stocking up on the biggest fireworks we could find, buying lots of fizz and moving furniture in the house to make room for some epic dance moves to be shared whilst we all saw in the new year with those we love. So many traditions that he and I enjoyed and shared together are just so evidently missing, I just miss it all so much.
Many of you reading now will sadly be feeling the same, have the same longing I do to share this moment, this time of year with them once more when sadly we can’t. But let that be more of a teaching than a punishment, a lesson for us to embrace every celebration we have with all those around us, as we all know too well, Christmas and life can change all too quickly.
This year and all the others willbe different that’s sure but without a doubt the ones we love will be with us celebrating as they did with us before. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to each and every one of you, be gentle with yourselves, Phoebe x
Tell me, what is Christmas like in heaven?
Written by Phoebe Young
Are there shinning bright lights hanging from fresh trees? Are there soft songs from carols that flow in the breeze?
Do you run around like mad men, shopping for everyone you know? Does the beautiful sky fill up with snow?
Is there a feast to feed many, with a Christmas pud too? Do you toast to the day, with a drink or two?
Are stockings hung up on your fireplace at night, do you set down to sleep, so you don’t wake that night?
So many questions now you’re no longer here, I just wish I knew if you felt that cheer?
See, my Christmases feel different now, they’re never the same. I don’t get so excited when I live with this pain.
I will shop, I will eat and I’ll hang lights too, but deep in my heart my one Christmas wish is to see you.
What is Christmas like in heaven, I just wish I could know, but I know deep down it’s not something you’ll show.
Just promise at bedtime when we dream on Christmas night, that you’ll meet me in our dreamland and make everything alright.
See, Christmas will be different now, I wish we had one more. But I’ll hold you in my heart for now, until I meet you at heaven’s door.